Did you watch?
Did you stay up?
Or did you wake up really early like me and get your sewing kit out, knowing that what Beyoncé wore to the Superbowl would make the perfect Monday morning outfit for the office?
I am so great full for Beyoncé choosing something I could whip up in miniature this morning, without having to hop on the Tube to a haberdashery. She knows there is always leather and lace at BOTD Towers.
And what about my predictions?
Big hair? Wind machine? Check.
Thighs? Check. See above!
Pyros? Brilliantly executed.
Bucks Fizz moment? Check!
Michelle falling over? No but her mic cut out mysteriously… And nobody noticed.
Playlist? Not bad. I do loveEnd of Time. It’s on my gym playlist. You should see me whipping my weave to that one. It’s… Fierce. Baby Boy an odd choice. But whatevs.
No new song! Wise. She’ll do it at the Brits I’m sure.
And wasn’t it great to see the other girls?
Notice my recreation uses the same doll for Michelle and Kelly. One time with straight hair, the other wavy! And the same pair of boots three times! All in one morning, people!
I heart photoshop and clip in fringes.
So does Kelly!
Shall we see a montage of Beyoncé’s best faces?
I’ll try and embed a video but each time I do I get an unsmily face because NFL clearly want/have sole rights. Working on it. In the meantime….
What an awful title, Richard!
I know. I’ll come up with something better for the Monday post show analysis I promise. Something less owl themed perhaps, though you know I love the idea of a Superb Owl Sunday.
On the eve of the Superbowl I thought we should maybe have a think about what Beyoncé may have in store for us tomorrow night. I’ve dressed her as a sort of Sherlock Holmes. I’m not sure why. Oh yes. This is an investigative piece.
I’m a little over excited.
More excited than for Madonna’s halftime show last year which was more of a surprise hit.
She was amazing. I imagine Queen B will be amazing of course. But just how amazing?
Let’s think this through logically.
We’ve seen some rehearsals….
Now the songs used could be a red herring, of course. Girls seems a likely choice but End of Time? Probably not.
But then why practice? For the tour obviously! That’s a side issue.
What do we want her to sing?
Well it ain’t gonna be Ego or Diva and it’s certainly not gonna be Videophone….
This is what I envisage…
She will open with Single Ladies.
Followed by Crazy in Love with her hubby of course.
Then Telephone with Gaga appearing of course.
I then imagine some sort of homage to the Bug a Boo video shot in a locker room/football pitch….
In fact I’d like them to remake that video.
Without those godawful extensions that Tina Knowles made out of rats/Farrah Franklin (that’s one for the super fans). Then Michelle and Kelly Poundland would appear in majorette uniforms, and sing Who Run the World/Girls followed by a Bootylicious vs Survivor mash up. I’d like but wont get at least one DC number in full, Independent Women or Bills Bills Bills.
They can have 30 seconds of their new song Nuclear. No more!
Beyoncé will then have a stab at her new song which may or may not be amazeballs. Probably amazeballs though. It may or may not feature Azaelia Banks.
I’d close with something we know though.
But she won’t. She wants us to hum her new one on the way home.
I understand that my version of the show is about 30 minutes.
Madonna did 12 minutes.
Beyoncé will get 13. They will have to cut some of my numbers-probably Telephone.
Her hair will be curly.
There will be a wind machine.
There will be pyros.
There will be thighs!
There may be a Bucks Fizz moment of skirt ripping to reveal some kind of playsuit. Made of glitter.
She will sing live. Mostly.
No, No, No to Lip-Synching!
There will be no wardrobe malfunction.
If Michelle falls over nobody will notice…
Whatever happens, it will be a great show. I’m quite sure of it.
It’s that time again (!) your weekly dose of our doll’s diary.
I’m glad you asked….
1. I LOVE Marianne Faithfull. She’s so… Something. I mean she’s totally bonk. But real. And filthy. And vulnerable. And how beautiful was she?
Her album Broken English has been re-released in a fancy deluxe edition, all digitally remastered and what not. I love her voice. So growly and gravelly. My fave album is Songs From the 20th Century. You can’t get it on iTunes. They should deluxify that instead. Broken English is great too though. It’s out… yesterday.
2. OMG did you see The Queen of Versailles? The brilliant documentary focuses on Jackie and David Siegel and their family as they build the largest and most expensive single-family house in the USA… Just as the recession hits. It wasn’t even supposed to be about the recession. It was supposed to be about some big busty blonde (hello Barbie!?) and her dysfunctional family and this big fancy pants house. But timing, it’s all about timing, had it another way. So some lucky producer got to make the best docco of the year. I don’t think that’s what it won at Sundance last year but that should be the name of the award. The Washington Post described it as the “single greatest film about the Great Recession.” Don’t let that put you off, you badass fashionistas. It is amazeballs. It’s out on DVD today (or you can download it on iTunes).
3. Ooh, that’s a big one dear! The View From the Shard opens on Thursday. It is, erm, a view. From the Shard. That giant spiky thing piercing the sky in London. You can’t miss it. There’s a really fast lift. Love in an elevator?
It’s £25. Outrageous? It’s only €13 to go up the Eiffel Tower. But it is supposed to be fantabulous and the dolls can’t do the steps in their heels.
4. Dover Street Market reopened this week after a January refurb which they don’t call a refurb. They call it a Tachiagari. Which is nice. In this un-refurb, Hedi Slimane has done a refurb of a bit of the 3rd floor as a special YSL space. Or an un-YSL space as it’s just Saint Laurent, right? Oh I dunno. I guess I’ll just have to go check it out. Or uncheck it out?
5. It’s Queen B! She’s performing LIVE at everyone’s favourite bowl. The Superbowl! How exciting? Will Destiny’s Child reform? Will she do a new song? Will it be better than Madonna? I can’t sleep I’m so excited. I want stickers on my face too!
Oh say can you see…
My amazing emerald earrings
I may be miming
But they should dazzle you sufficiently
Was she miming?
Who cares? She did an amazing job and looked crazy hot. Obv I’d have gone for a little bit more flesh. It is Beyoncé after all. But I’m sure we’ll be seeing plenty of her with an album/movie/Brit Awards performance to promote.
The earrings were the best bit though. And then just in case you hadn’t noticed them she pulled her earpiece out to mime hit those super high notes.
What does one wear for the press night for the Rubberbandits? This was my fashion dilemma last night.
The obvious answer would be to take inspiration from the hilarious Blindboy Boat Club and Mr Chrome and wear a plastic bag over my face as they do throughout their performances (and interviews!).
Unfortunately (and fortunately) I had my hair done yesterday evening so it seemed a bit of a waste not to show it off, so I opted for something warm…
Unlike Beyoncé, who, for a change, decided to strip down to a swimsuit made from rubber bands. See what we did there?
In case you don’t know what I’m banging on about (for a change) the Rubberbandits are a comedy hip hop duo from Limerick.
‘We’re not comedy. We’re hardcore gangsta rap.’ They state at the start of their gig and it does feel like a proper music gig and not a comedy show, with the seating stripped from the underground cabaret venue at the Soho Theatre – or Sar-Ha as they pronounce it.
Their songs are instantly catchy, bordering on addictive. Horse Outside (see below) has had a bazillion hits on YouTube and shoulda woulda coulda been a Christmas number one for them in 2011 in Ireland if it wasn’t for that pesky Simon Cowell.
I can’t tell you which were my favourite songs. There were too many! And I was laughing too hard to write anything down. The song about failed children’s book Spastic Hawk came with interpretive dance and I loved the rapping in Bag of Glue, a track about persuading themselves to sleep with fat girls by sniffing glue.
A bag for me, a bag for you
Let’s get wrecked on bags of glue!
Cause there’s no way I’m riding you
Unless I’m wrecked on bags of glue!
Oh okay I’ve decided on my favourite. Spoiling Ivan made me laugh and feel super uncomfortable at the same time. The story of an adult befriending a six year old boy. Totally normal apparently. And good for bouncing around to.
How happy did that make you feel?
And in case you haven’t seen it…
The Rubberbandits are playing until February 2nd at Soho Theatre. Click here to book
And click here to check out their YouTube channel.
Forget the new Bowie single (very nice it is too) there is a much more important music story to report on.
Yes after a fair few years in the wilderness, our old pal Beyoncé has announced that Destiny’s Child will be releasing a new album later this year…
From the official DC website…
Love Songs balances romantic, passionate and sensual selections from 1998′s Destiny’s Child (“Killing Time,” “Second Nature”); 1999′s The Writing’s On The Wall (“Now That She’s Gone,” “If You Leave” featuring Next, “Temptation”); 2001′s Survivor (“Brown Eyes,” “Emotion”) and 2004′s Destiny Fulfilled (“Cater 2 U,” “If,” “T-Shirt,” “Love”). Added treats for fans include the Timbaland remix of “Say My Name” (originally released on 2002′s This Is The Remix) and Kelly Rowland’s “Heaven” (a key track from Simply Deep, her 2002 solo album).
Here is the artwork…
Okay technically it’s a compilation/best of their love songs type album with one new track. Only one!
It’s called Nuclear. It’s quite nice. I will put a clip below later. But what will the music video be like? They better do one. Otherwise there will be trouble. I’m imagining the three girls as nuclear physicists. Kelly Poundland rocking the lab coat chic.
Yes, the dolls are back on their annual sunshiny, Christmassy break to the land of the pharaohs.
It wouldn’t be Christmas if we weren’t in Egypt, so we ignored what it says in the papers and hopped in the dollicopter to Luxor.
But what to wear for a traditional Muslim Christmas welcome? (!!!)
Nothing says “I heart a revolution” quite like a red leather mini skirt. And checkout that white mani! Bang on trend!
Okay okay so we might find something a little more appropes for the referendum on Saturday (Or something really classy-like white leather! -a Barbie of the Day fridge magnet to anyone who can name that movie).
… Anyway. I’m online (for now) so I’ll try and keep up with the posts and tweets.
Get used to this view from my balcony. It’s quite possibly our new BOTD studio.
Dolls on film? Beyoncé has got her camera out again but she’s not shooting her new video. And this isn’t a post about her upcoming documentary. Though that post is on its way.
Nope, Queen B has been inspired by our trip to the Serpentine this weekend where we were checking out the brand new Jonas Mekas exhibition.
It’s really good!
Really really good.
Mekas bought his first camera when he arrived in New York in 1949 and I guess never looked back. It was mad to have a big injection of NYC after a stroll through Hyde Park. Mad but beautiful.
It’s a New York we all know. Or have known. Or used to know. Or want to know.
It made me think about being there last year. It made me sad at not having been back. The passing of time. Made me want to go back. Inspired me. Made me think about all sorts of things I guess.
It’s really good and, importantly, is FREE. Which is really rather good isn’t it?
…Waking up, to say…
Well it was supposed to be Bonjour, if you were following yesterday’s Beauty and the Beast theme. I was supposed to be writing about saying goodbye to Villefranche Sur Mer. Goodbye to BOTD Towers. Hello to talking teapots and fading roses Let the winter trip begin etc etc.
Todays post was going to look a lot more like this….
… With high-larious twitpics of overflowing luggage at Nice airport and dolls desperately trying to repack their bags at the British Airways check in desk. Or was that just me?
Anyway none of that is being featured because Princess Blowdry can’t keep her pork pies down has gone and got herself up the duff. Well not on her own. She had some help presumably. And she’s all poorly. Aww. Sad face.
So instead of discussing the hilarity of my packing/airport action/journey, I’m having to think about regal maternity wear.
Thank heavens for small mercies! Along with 100 pairs of shoes, hats, bags, bikinis and furs, I did manage to pack my Barbie prosthetic pregnancy bump. Just because…. you never know!
Well our Erdem frock didn’t arrive in time.
And all the Valentino has already been whisked off to Somerset House for the exhibition.
Christopher Kane’s not answering his phone (should I call Balenciaga or is that just adding fuel to the fire?).
So we’ve been forced to spice up our lives, Geri Halliwell style, customising our Team GBOTD Olympic kit into something red carpet worthy.
Not too shabby!