I used to be a fragrance whore.
A new ad campaign=a new fragrance.
I’m easily swayed by an image of David Gandy in a pair of micro speedos.
…If I smell like him it is pretty much the same as going to the gym, right?
I’m the advertiser’s dream client.
Once upon a time, way back in 1993, Jean Paul Gaultier released that fragrance for women, in that iconic bottle.
The men’s fragrance, Le Male, arrived two years in its own super sexy bottle in the shape of a sailor’s torseau.
I was 12.
I was not allowed to wear perfume. And certainly not something so overtly sexual in its packaging and indeed it’s accompanying advertising campaigns.
I wanted it.
I wanted it bad.
I grew up.
I would occasionally catch a whiff of that sexy smell.
Walking down the street.
At a restaurant.
In a nightclub.
I never bought it.
I don’t think I felt sexy enough. In my mind it should only be worn by men (ideally sailors) who have a body the shape of the bottle.
Then last year I smelt something so sexy.
Familiar but new.
It was the summer edition of Le Male.
Even sexier than the original.
In an amazing tropical print bottle. A longer, leaner body.
I had to have it.
And so I bought it.
And in typical Limited Edition style I should have bought more than one bottle because sure enough, as summer faded, so too did that amazing smell.
Without a million push ups/pec implants I could never wear the original fragrance in its original bottle.
I had to wait…
And now it’s back. New again. But the nice lean body bottle. The same but different.
The lavender and mint are still there. A bit of cardamom. But now with a touch of vanilla which shouldn’t work but is somehow diffused by the addition of something green and grassy (green grass it says on the website).
Throw in another sexy redesign of the bottle, a kinda koi carp tattoo and I’m sold.
Or it’s sold. Two bottles! Sold!
Shhhhh. Don’t tell.
Pass the Botox!
I’m thirty today. Dirty 30. The big 3-0!
I was delighted to wake up and not find my bags packed and Mr F’s younger model waiting at the door. Maybe I’m not being replaced? Maybe I get to stay after all?
Happy Birthday to meeeee!
As mentioned previously here on BOTD, I love a tan.
It is of course the first sign of skin damage, makes you look like you work in the fields and terribly bad for ageing.
But as Kate Moss said to me the other day on the airport bus, “Nothing looks as good as being brown feels.”
Or words to that effect.
As the face, or body, of tanning giant, St Tropez she should know.
My fake tan days are behind me (for now) and have been replaced by vitamin D filled sun worshipping.
And I f*cking love it.
I don’t want to come across as a Barbie body fascist but there are worse things to be than skinny and tanned. My factor 50 friends may look younger than me, and with my big 3-0 birthday just days away I should care. But I don’t.
Take that butter out of your sandwich and slap it on your skin, fatty.
… But always wear cream on your face and wear a big hat. I may be blonde but I’m not dumb.
Barbie designer, Bill Greening, has created this amazing poolside collection for your favourite doll.
It’s everything a gal needs for a day by the pool or indeed on a yacht and is über glamorous.
Who better to model it then, than our über glamorous guest, Beauty and the Dirt.
Perfect for chillaxing on the BOTD yacht, whisking us between Cannes and Monte Carlo or simply anchoring here in the bay of Villefranche and nipping ashore to BOTD Towers whenever we fancy.
Oh hello this is Barbie of the Day, can I speak to Sarah?
Yeah. I have some bad news….
You know you did that shoot for Harpers Bazaar China….?
Well they totally effed up the photoshop…
and this one…. in Dior as well, I’m really sorry…
Sarah? Are you still there?
Now obviously I love Photoshop. We all do. People pretend they don’t but reality is overrated. Look at Big Brother.
I would say I photoshop around 90% of my photos. They would look sh*t without it. I’ll erase a make up smudge, get rid of a finger print, smooth some hair, turn up some light, add shadow, remove where you can see a pin, or a dodgy hem. I don’t even think about it. Obviously I try and get my pictures perfect when I’m taking them but there are times when you need to crop or add some warmth.
It’s like doing my hair or make up. I wouldn’t go out looking a mess so why leave my photos a mess when you just need a touch of concealer…
But there is concealer and there is woah what happened to SJP’s face?
I mean, seriously. Who did it? The blind intern?
I know when too much is too much…..
So I’ve been planning this post for a couple of months but never quite managing to get it quite right or shoot it quite right.
Well, it’s Friday so I figured I’d give you something for the weekend.
When we were in Berlin in November(!) we went to an amazing Helmut Newton exhibition at the photography museum.
I’ve always been a fan but this show really cemented it for me. He remains one of my all time favourite photographers. Shall we look….
As it combined three of his most famous shows including Big Nudes and as it was erm, Helmut Newton, there were a lot of boobies on display. Not unlike BOTD Towers to be fair, as when the dolls are not posing in front of my camera they are usually lying in a box lounging around completely starkers.
Which led me to…
Nipples. Did you know that some of the very early Barbie dolls had nipples?
When I got home I googled Barbie Nipples. A dangerous google search perhaps, but one I was drawn to. Now I wouldn’t recommend an image search as you will come up with all sorts, but sure enough on the web search I came across a lovely Californian lady called LaVonne (amazing name alert) who made me very happy with this quote…
You’ve probably heard me say this before – I enjoy saying it all the time especially when I am being interviewed for TV or the newspaper – but I’ll say it again now:
Nipples Are My Specialty!
OMG! I love LaVonne. She continued…
I have perfected altered barbie doll nipples. And it’s your lucky day because I am about to give you my nipple knowledge right here in an OOAK Barbie Nipple Tutorial! It’s my first tutorial on the blog!
Well I was obviously hooked! Here is the tutorial in full. Should you feel inspired.
With a fair bit of practice and colour matching I’ve managed to create some great nipples but using nail varnish instead. So many colour options! So many nipples.
But WHY? I hear you ask? Barbies are toys. They don’t need to be sexualised by giving them nipples bla bla bla.
Well they’re not like toys to me. They are fashion mannequins. They are fit models for the clothes I design and the photoshoots I style and if they were full size models they would have nipples. I’ve seen Kate Moss’ a lot!
And what’s more. I like nipples. I have two of them myself. I’m guessing you do too. (And your children may even have them shhhhh).
So some have my dolls have been given nipples too. Not to make them sexier, though I love seeing a nipple under a t-shirt sans bra on a girl or boy (yes boys don’t wear bras. Don’t get smart with me, doll lovers) but because it’s real. We have nipples and see them all the time. It’s not that shocking or it shouldn’t be.
Is it so crazy to see a nipple in a perfume ad?
On the beach?
At the SuperBowl?
On BOTD? I’ll let you decide.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Who in their right mind gets their flight details wrong by two days? Two days! We’re bonkers. Check out yesterday’s post for more…
I have missed some flights in my time, but never (almost) turned up two days early. That would just be silly.
The downside-aside from confusing the hotel staff and checking in for two more nights instead of checking out, saying all our goodbyes and doing all our packing is the things we were supposed to be doing today and tomorrow.
It was supposed to be full steam ahead with London living. We had a book launch tonight. Two in fact. A dinner tomorrow. Meetings meetings meetings.
I was supposed to have my hair done (a month in the sun and in the pool has taken its toll) and I was going to go coat shopping for snow walks.
On the plus side, of course, is the fact that we get two more days. Two days! Naughty, stolen days. Time to squeeze in an extra boat ride. Another temple… Or much more likely, to do just one final bit of tanning.
I never thought of myself as a sun worshipper really. When I was, ahem, younger, my tan came out of a bottle. Throughout most of my early twenties I was fluorescent. You could see me and Donatella from space. The St Tropez years with that distinct smell and patchy ankles, followed by a shockingly cheap alternative in Paris which turned the sheets chocolatey and frightened the firemen who worked over the road and could see into my bedroom-lucky them.
After a pale and interesting phase, I swapped the grey of Glasgow for a much more Mediterranean glow. Living in the South of France may have left me culture poor but I’ve got a rocking tan. A real one. A natural one. Aside from a bit of competitive tanning for a wedding, I don’t try to tan. But I’m outside all the time. Wearing as little as possible (if I can).
And I do wear sunscreen. A bit. Most days. But not every day. Which is bad.
When a friend came to visit and asked for some protection (!) I offered her everything from factor 6 right through to factor zero which I guess is just butter.
But I think tans are back. I’m judging this entirely on the fact I will be returning to London with one and that my (old) pal Ms Versace has gone for a super tan look for the Spring/Summer 2013 campaign…
Okay so it’s almost alien tan but whatevs. These images are going straight onto my Pinterest tanning mood board. (Note to self. Start bloody using bloody Pinterest).
But in reality I don’t want to be that weird blue tan. Much. So my big new year’s resolution was to wear sunscreen. All the time! Under my clothes. In bed. In Tesco. Just in case. And I have been wearing factor 30 every day in Egypt…. On my face at least.
So maybe in these two extra days I will wear it all over which will totally undo all the gorgeous damage I’ve done to my skin. The damage that makes me look healthier. Feel healthier. Feel slimmer. Feel fabulicious.
New Year. New Look?
Go on then.
A freshen up. A spring clean. A new font. A new layout. A new plan. Some new ideas. Some new dolls. Some new dresses. New location. It’s all just too exciting. Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it.